A Prayer for Thanksgiving

The following was shared with me by my father in law. It is a Thanksgiving prayer from Michael Holt in 1997. And it is fitting for today, for me.

Thank you, God. For the joy, privilege and even the painful responsibility for giving thanks. Some days it is so natural that it seems supernatural; a beautiful sunrise, a beautiful flower, a hug from a grandchild, an answer to a quick prayer or and unexpected provision. Sometimes giving thanks is no problem at all! I feel kissed by God!

But, then there are those other times, those dark times in my life that some days seem to overwhelm me with impenetrable sadness. On those days, Lord, there is no joy in thanksgiving; the privilege in conversing with you, My Heavenly Father, is reduced to a feeble “Help, Lord.”

And yet Lord, your Word says “In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will in Christ Jesus for you.” And it says, “Rejoice” and “Pray constantly.” And I want to, but I can’t. I’m too empty, too needy, too weak, too sad!

And now, it’s “Thanksgiving!” But the encouragement of Your Word, Father, goes deeper than the Pilgrims’ tradition and bears more weight than the government’s mandate to give thanks on some special day in November. Change me Lord into a river of Thanksgiving! And even when it seems the river has run dry, raise up fresh springs so that I cannot help but thank you! Not fake, orchestrated or contrived. Not just an emotional experience, but my mind and my will joining together even when my emotions are not very interested or cooperative.

I choose, like Paul, to glory in weakness. I choose to thank you Lord, not just for blessings and all the wonderful things of life. I choose, Lord, even when Your light seems dim, to lift my weak and trembling heart to say “Thank You Lord!” When I cannot sense your presence, I will thank you. When your Spirit seems far from me, I will thank you. When the sadness chokes me into silence, with my mind I will thank you. And even if I lose my mind, let my last consciousness be of You, O Father, and may whatever be left of me give you praise and thanks forever. When I can’t understand why You allow pain and struggles that seem unbearable, I will thank You Lord! Even if it should seem dark forever, I will thank You, Lord. Because You command me; because You are worthy; because I love you - because I know my life is safe, hidden with Christ in You!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Thanksgiving

This year I am having a hard time realizing that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It snuck up on me. I am very thankful for the blessings God has given me, my wonderful husband, my children, my home, my extended family. The fact that I live in a place where I am free to worship my God, to homeschool my children, to live in freedom.

And yet, I am also having a hard time this Thanksgiving. I am still too focused on the loss of our sweet Hope. Despite the brief time I had knowing that she was there, growing under my heart, in my heart, or perhaps because the time was too short, I find myself in despair often. Daily. Sometimes hourly. She never had the chance to meet the family who loves her so, her father who named her, her mother who prayed for her, her sisters and brothers who mourn her loss. We never had the chance to meet her, to hold her, to let her hear our voices. And yet, she is a part of me, of us.

At first I could do no more than lay on my couch and think about my loss. Those first days I had to force myself to shower, to dress, to eat, to sleep. Never mind cooking, cleaning, laundry, school. I have now been able to force myself to do more, but my heart is not in it yet. I will be laughing with my children, and know I will not have the chance to laugh with Hope. And I cry. I look at our family portrait, taken while I was pregnant, and I see an empty space. And I cry. I sing a song in church about the hope God has given us. And I cry. I lay my head on my pillow at night and my heart is heavy. So heavy. And I cry.

And I know that I have been given so much. That others have lost more. Are losing more. We need, I need, to choose to try and be thankful in all things. I can be thankful, as Faith put it tonight at dinner, that God gave us a blessing for a short while. We do not know why it was so short. We may never know why. Why is not really important. I am choosing to be thankful that Hope was placed with us, those who love her, even for a brief time, so that she would be loved. And loved deeply.

Giving Thanks!!

So there have been lots of status updates, emails, and posts about thankfulness.  Some people are daily listing things they are thankful for, some are listing them in ABC order.  I know that kind of list, a daily one, is way more follow through than I have at this point in my life, so I have hesitated to even begin.  Classic case of perfectionist procrastination.  So here, handily located in one very thankful, very alphabetized blog post are the things I am thankful for this year.

A- Andy, Angel, Amber, apples, alligators, and antibiotics

B- Boys that play so rough and tumble (of which I have two and many nephews- HI LUKE!!), bon bons, books, and bedtime

C- Chocolate, cookies, coffee, and chocolate coffee. The best things in life start with “C”

D- Dads, Dan, dominoes, door bells that work, Doritos, and dinosaurs

E- everything God has given me (a cop-out, I know)

F- Faith (both my daughter and the in God variety), finger foods, firefighters and friends

G- God, grandparents, grapes, glue and Gatorade

H- my home, healing, hamburgers, humor and happiness

I- Isaac, iguanas, ice cream, Italian Sweet Cram coffee creamer, and igloos (because I would love to see one)

J- Jesus, Josh, Jesse (*grin*), joy, jammies and jelly, especially strawberry

K- kids, kites on the beach, Kit Kats and kettle corn

L- lollipops, love, lights, lipstick, and language arts (just kidding!!)

M- mothers, movies, MP3 players, music, maids (on my Christmas list, by the way)and monkeys

N- Ninjas, night, new books, naps, Nintendo, and noodles

O- old friends, old comfy slippers, online school, and open doors- the figurative ones

P- Pepsi, pizza, pastors, police, pasta salad, and pie

Q- quiet (at least from what I remember of it), quilts, and quill pens

R- Raehls, roots (of people, not plants), reading, robes, and rubber bands

S- Scott, silly string, socks, snakes, and superheros

T- Theresa, tigers, teeth, and I would say Tony, but he changed his name

U- unicycles, unicorns, and uniqueness

V- vehicles that run, values, and villages

W- water, worship, and watermelon

X- x-rays and X Files

Y- yaks (the dream kind), yogurt, you tube, youth, and Yahoo groups

Z- zippers, zeros, zebras, and ziggurats

And there is a completely incomplete list of all the things I am thankful for today.