Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

Several times recently I have seen something that reminds me of my childhood.  A post on Facebook about children going grocery shopping in costumes, a picture of me when I was younger, or even something someone said.  All of these things add up to me thinking about what is important, and what is not, for a child. 

For example, I was in a short online conversation about children in costumes in the store.  The person was encouraging to moms who let their children dress up in public.  Mine do that all the time, and I know the comments that we get are a mix between good and bad.  I say thank you to the good and ignore the bad, but my children hear both and are a bit confused.  This makes me think of my own childhood because I was never discouraged from figuring out who I am, be it a superhero, a costume, huge hair, purple hair, or odd clothing.  I tried it all, and my mother took it with a grain of salt.  I had different colors and lengths of hair in addition to crazy hair styles.  She just would say "Hair grows back."  I would dress in outfits that were more like costumes.  I could go goth, punk, cowgirl, grunge, and girl next door all in the same week.  She would pay no attention.  I finally settled on a style that fit me, and was comfortable because I knew all the others were not me.  I was not only trying to be shocking, as most teens try at some point, but I was figuring out who I was, where I fit, and what was me.  Oh, there was a bit of an attempt at shocking, but that was a bonus side effect, which mostly bothered my father.

Living with four brothers means that a fair amount of things got broken, thrown around, blown up, or destroyed.   If done intentionally, like strapping my favorite Barbie to a firecracker, there was discipline. But accidents were part of life and never a big deal.  I can not count how many times I have heard "Things are not important, people are important," from my mother, from myself, and now echoed by grandchildren.  Spilled drinks, broken dishes, broken windows, ruined clothing, and even a bottle of bluing dumped into the all of the laundry have all been responded to with the phrase.  That does not mean that it was a free pass, you mess it, you clean it, but it was not a big deal. 

Picky eaters were never admonished for eating only PB and J for weeks on end, but were encouraged to try something else.  When that phase was over, it was over.  The same went for clothing, hair styles, and even odd behaviors.  Phases were treated like a phase that would pass, not a line to be drawn in the sand.  It made it less likely for me to dig in my heels over something small because it was not a big deal, like purple hair.  If there is no reaction, there was no fun in it.  And as a phase was over, there was no comment.  It just was over. 

All of these things are the small stuff.  Because we were given freedom in these areas, we became more likely to seek advice, or at least listen to advice, in the bigger areas.  Areas that could impact our future, like friends, class choices, dating, driving, jobs, and life decisions.  I am not saying I always followed the advice, but I heard it.  And I knew that I could go to my mother even when heartbroken after not following her advice. 

I have followed this style of parenting in my own home.  I say no only when yes is not an option.  We blow bubbles in the kitchen.  We finger paint in the dining room.  We have a bin of rice that we bury toys in to find later.  We have a trampoline in the school room and a power wheels in the hallway.  Because it will make a mess is not a reason to say no.  There are limits and times for these activities, but they do happen often.  My children have all heard me say things like "Hair grows back", "Don't cry over spilt milk", and "Things are not important, people are."  We try not to sweat the small stuff, and handle the big stuff as it comes.

Our life is a zoo...

At the Creation Museum we went to the petting zoo.  Twice.

Angel was not too happy. 

She got better after we left the second time. 

David had the same level of excitment about the animals as Angel.

Maybe a bit less.

He allowed me to feed the animals for him.

And then spent the remainder of the time washing his hands.  

In case animal germs flew through the air.  Or because animals have spit. 

Depending on the day you asked him. 

 Isaac had much more fun.

So did Faith.

The best part, is that they did not butt heads like goats. 

While we were there.

Memory Lane, The End of Another School Year

Once again here we are, wrapping up another school year.  The years seem to stretch before me, being pregnant there are so many left, but having a middle schooler there are also too few. 

We are spending the week finishing things, finding things, putting together the portfolios, writing up next year's objectives, and doing final activities to complete the 2011-2012 school year.  This year also includes re-writing the log book that got destroyed by the cats. 

As always, there are so many things that we do that cannot fit in the portfolio.  Sometimes we do huge projects, but that is not what I am talking about.  I am talking about the things that there is no section for, not rubric, no entry in the log book.  We have overcome so much this school year, from the loss of our Hope, to the loss of pets.  Major sickness in family members, struggles finishing some school work, and long days of extra to make up for the lost days.  Also, each of the children have had personal conquests.

Angel hit a school year in which it was not longer all easy work.  At the beginning of the year she would struggle with work and it would be the end of the world if she got a problem wrong.  Never mind if it was not on a test and she could simply fix it.  There was frustration, tears, anger, and more tears.  Now, she was doing long division and realized during the checking portion that she made a mistake on a worksheet.  She was frustrated, but she redid the work.  Several times.  Until she got it right.  And there were no tears. Only a huge smile because she prevailed.  I have always had so many reason to be proud of her, and now there is one more!

Faith's progress has been measured in leaps and bounds since she was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome.  At times it was super hard, and at other times it was easier, at least in comparison.  This year has been full of changes for her.  Her gecko, Liz, died. She lost her favorite Behavior Specialist, and several came and went quickly.  The last was also very good with her, and just left us.  But on a positive note, this does not only mark the end of her time with that Behavior Specialist, but of her services altogether.  She has progressed so much in recent months that there is no more a Behavior Specialist can do for her, for us.  We are handling any problems that come up, and there was a recommendation to limit her services so much that it was about the same to quit receiving them, and so we all agreed that was the best option.  And so as we look toward the next school year we are simply using the techniques we have learned in the past 18 months.

Isaac.  Oh, Isaac.  He is good at so many things, and he keeps me on my toes.  In school he is great at math, but not so great at focusing. Once I get his attention, I only have a limited time to work with him.  We have been working on some other issues as well, like anger, attention to work, and thinking through his actions before acting.  I have seen some progress in these areas.  I know the struggle is real, because he does not just have focus problems in school, but even in things he enjoys.  With charts, reminders, rewards, and patience we will prevail.  And past experience with other active children in my life lets me know that they slow down a good bit after hitting the teen years.  May not pay attention, but at least they start to sit still for longer. 

David is growing so fast!  He is not doing school yet, of course.  However, Angel does activities with him.  He has spend the past few weeks having a great time as Mariah comes over to play.  They love to paint, play, swim, and watch Blue's Clues.  He has been showing a lot of interest in letters and numbers.  He learned how to swim.  He even goes under water.  He still loves anything firefighter, and even got to help Pappy put out a fire!

And as usual, they are not the only ones learning and growing.  I have been trying to keep ahead of them in their school, do my own school, write VBS, and keep growing this baby.  I have dealt with my biggest fear, the loss of my baby.  I struggled so much through the miscarriage and for months after, and am pulling through now.  I have relied heavily on the grace of God, and my husband's support.  And I am doing OK.  And I know that doing great lies ahead.  I have gone through a fire and am going to come out stronger, closer to God, and while I may never know the purpose of my loss, I know that Hope's time with us, however brief, served a purpose, changed us in many ways, and will bring God glory. 

Still so much to do to finish our year, but this time when I close that portfolio after the evaluation, I have even more than ever before that we have accomplished, and my heart is full.