The Truth About Socialization

When people hear that we home school, there are a few things they usually ask.  Why??  Is that legal??  What about socialization??  I am often tempted to give a sarcastic response. "No, actually it's not legal, so please don't tell anyone!"  Usually, because I am supposed to be setting a good example for my children, I answer honestly and openly.  And maybe with more than the asker bargained for in some cases. 

You see, my least favorite question is socialization.  According to dictionary.com, socialization is "a continuing process whereby an individual acquires a personal identity and learns the norms, values, behavior, and social skills appropriate to his or her social position".    Nothing in the definition states that this happens by being in a group of their peers for over a decade.  Actually, I think that the process of obtaining socialization took me longer because of peer pressure.  I wanted to be cool.  I wanted to fit in.  Almost every stupid decision I ever made was a direct result of peer pressure.  And it never worked.  I was not cool.  I did not fit in.  And I felt like a sell out every time I saw an injustice and said nothing.  Choose to be silent when seeing bullying.  Knew my friends were taking up destructive habits, but said nothing.  Did not say what I thought or believed because I did not want to be ridiculed because of my faith. 

I can give many examples of home schoolers that I know that do not feel the crush of peer pressure.  Who stay true to themselves, their beliefs, and their faith regardless of circumstances.  Mainly, I see my oldest daughter.  Who she is.  Who she is becoming. 

Angel does not feel the need to impress anyone.  She does what she enjoys, regardless of who finds that popular.   She wears what she likes.  She watches, or does not watch, things based on her preferences and beliefs.  She forms her own opinions.  Strongly.  Her taste in music is not the same as her friends.  Or her taste in books, games, activities, or how she feels about school.  We are more alike than she will want to admit.  But by middle school I had already felt the pull of peer pressure shaping who I was, even though I was strong.  She does not.  I have seen her decline opportunities with friends because she wants to spend time with extended family.  Or at church.  I have seen her not participate in activities because she felt that something about those activities was wrong.  She sings, dances, and acts because it is fun for her.  She performs dances to praise music for church that she choreographs herself because she enjoys it.  She participates in youth group, joins her father onstage, and is actively involved in community service.  Not because it is what her friends do, but because she finds meaning and enjoyment in those activities. 

And yet, despite not caring what others think of her, we can not go anywhere without someone calling out "Hey Angel!"  or "Look, Angel's here!"  The post office, the bank, the playground, the park, swimming, restaurants, grocery stores, the library, even in our back yard.  She knows people everywhere we go.  Just tonight we were running at the local school track, just the two of us.  We get out of the van , and hear "Angel!!"  There were only a handful of people there, and most of them knew her.  Children, parents, teachers, coaches. 

I am convinced that this happens not despite her being true to herself, but because of it.  You see, she learned something already that took me until the beginning of twelfth grade to discover.  It does not matter in the long run who likes what you do if you do not.  It does not matter what others think of your faith if God is not pleased.  It does not matter what others think of you if you are not happy with who you are.  She is very comfortable with who she is, and that appeals to others.  Spending time with a variety of ages makes her comfortable talking to her peers, their parents, and any siblings.  She is kind, likes listening to people, and enjoys serving God and others.  I know that she is this confident in who she is because she has been given the freedom of home school.  Freedom to help choose what she learns, and how.  Freedom to excel, or take some extra time. Freedom to interact with her great grandparents, uncles, younger siblings, friends, parents, coaches, teachers and even those people who ask if we are sure our children will have enough socialization.