Wordless Wednesday with Tony...

... because his actions can leave me speechless...

Top Ten Reasons My Husband is the Best!

I know that there are many people who seem to live their private lives a little loud on the Internet.  And often times I wonder if some gush over each other online because they do not do it in person.  I have mostly shied away from declarations of my undying love for my husband because, well, because I do not want to be all gross and mushy.  However, I have also noticed many other little things, jokes, but not really jokes, about husbands.  Or men in general.  And even when they may give me a chuckle at times, I can not help but wonder if we spend too much time joking and not enough building up the men in our lives. So many people do not have an involved husband, a present father, a male role model.  And when we see those jokes about how guys are,well, it makes me think that maybe that is why.  Because we joke and tease, but underneath that is a festering disagreement over who is better, men or women.  And that is not encouraging to anyone, respectful to anyone, most of all those men who give up so much to care for their families.  So, I want to pay a little tribute to the man in our house, the love of my life, my best friend, the father of my children.  I want him, and you, and guys everywhere to know they are appreciated, loved, and respected.  I may even gush a little, but it does come from my heart. 

And so, here are the top ten reasons that my husband is the best.  Maybe even the best ever.  Each of these is a reason that I love my husband more today than the day we got married.

10.  He cares about what is important to us.  Example, the night that our power went out for seven hours overnight, in January, in Pennsylvania, he did everything he could to keep us all warm.  He even saw Faith's concern about her gecko, and knowing that it would freeze in the house without heat, he put it in a small container and tucked it in his sleeping bag.  All night long. 

9.  He provides for us.  He works hard to provide all that we need.  He is willing to do what he needs to so that I can stay home and care for and educate our children.  And at times it is hard.  At times he works more than he should have to, days on end.  And at more than one job at a time.  But we always have what we need.  And a lot of what we want.  Even when he chooses to go without.

8.  He helps us because he wants to. He will work all day, and yet stand at the sink washing dishes with me at night.  Or fixing supper.  To be with me.  Or coaching soccer, teaching Sunday School, getting to know the kid's friends.  Taking hikes, bike rides, and doing "man crafts".  Helping to dress Barbies, sitting down for tea, or knowing the lyrics to Selena Gomez.  He is involved in everything he can be with each of us.

7.  Every Saturday morning he wakes me up with coffee.  Sometimes it is earlier than I would like, but it is to spend time with me. 

6.  I never have to carry a laundry basket.  Or a sleeping child.  And I have never had to carry a vacuum to a different floor of our house.  He carries it, and then runs it for me.  We live in a house with three flights of steps.  I have never vacuumed those either.  He does it before I can.

5.  No matter how I look, how I feel, or how I am acting, I know that when he looks into my eyes and says that I am beautiful that he means it. From the bottom of his heart.  And then I feel beautiful because he believes it and the look in his eyes when he says it tells me why.

4.  I have been watching his magic and juggling show for almost 15 years.  And he still dazzles me every time he is performing.  Even when I have seen it for about a thousand times.  Or know the secret.  It is still magic.

3.  He includes our children.  He patiently explains things he is fixing. From painting the dining room to fixing the washing machine they are right there beside him.  And not just the boys.  He shows our girls how to fix stuff as well.  He teaches them tricks to be in shows.  He gives them little jobs so that Firefly is our family ministry, not just his show.  And the pride in their eyes shows that they love to be included. 

2.  He can fix anything.  If he does not know how to fix something, he learns how.  From vacuums, to washing machines.  From hot water heaters to cars.  He keeps it going.  And he is not afraid to call his dad for some guidance.

1.  He lives his faith.  He is exactly the same man at home as in public.  He is the real deal.  Praying with and for us, explaining Scriptures, telling stories to illustrate the right way to live, encouraging the children to not follow him, but to follow his Father.  But I am confident that if they follow him, they will be following Jesus. 

Memory Lane- 2011

I cannot believe how fast time is going.  I will be saying that often, but it strikes me as true every time!  As so many take this time of year as a period of reflection, I figured I may just join in on this Memory Lane Monday and give a brief run down on the past year and the changes in our family.  As told through the pictures on Facebook, because I have no idea where I put last year's planner.  Or this year's.

We kicked off 2011 in style at our house, with Mom,Dad, Josh, Tony, and Mariah.  We had a great time, and the kids stayed up all night.  Well, not David.  He crashed way before the sun came up.  However, I am pretty sure I am still finding the same glitter from the party poppers.  We also had David's second birthday, a firefighter party.  He got many new firefighter toys, including one to ride on!  We also took a trip to what Faith calls Disneyland for nerds- the science center.  Andy got to go this time!  Which means we drove there and back without the ghetto side trip from the year before!  We got to go sled riding at Mom's on a wonderfully snowy day.

In February we had a homeschool Valentine's Day party.  We also began the task of moving the school room.  We had the Rock-A-Thon at church. I think that was February.  We kept trucking through school, making progress in our studies and with Faith.  I had yet another class in math.  And I lived.

March brought a new school room location, which was beneficial for all of us.  We celebrated Pi day with all kinds of pie, like pizza, Boston Creme Pie, and Pi shaped cookies.  We also celebrated St. Patrick's Day and Read Across America Day.  There was lots of oobleck.  And chocolate.  Andy was inducted into Phi Theta Cappa.  I was so proud, and we really enjoyed the day out.

Easter was back in April where it belongs.  We took Firefly on the road to an Autism Awareness Fundraiser and a fundraiser to sent Betsy to Alaska.  We took the kids to Chuck E Cheese as a reward for collecting good behavior tokens. 

May brought warmer weather, weddings, playing outside, the Children's Theatre at CLP, and a fun Mother's Day outing.  Any outing for which I do not have to cook is considered awesome.  I also was given some nice gifts, and breakfast in bed.  We ended May with a nice walk to the parade for Memorial Day.

June was very busy for us this year, like every other year.  We had to finish school and get our evaluations.  Isaac and I took a nice trip to Sandbox Camp, our last time! Tony graduated and we took our graduation trip to Hershey Park.  VBS prep was in full swing, and I was busy writing the material.  The SC Raehl's came for a visit.  Faith was baptized.  We hit the zoo and brought home an animal, I mean, Uncle Dave.  Who did all kinds of crazy fun stuff, like take my kids bowling. 

In July Faith turned 10!  Now she is two handfuls!  The girls went to Pony/ Swim camp. We had our Demi reunion, with a bouncy house.  And the church picnic.  And then VBS!

August began with a bang!  VBS was a success.  Andy had already been busy for most of the summer with shows and ride set ups, and that did not slow down.  The only way I got to celebrate our anniversary was to tag along!  We got away over night, but he had ride set ups and two shows.  We tried to cram in so many things before starting school, like a trip to see the Wizard of Oz at CLP, a trip to Lakemont, and the Demi family camping trip. 

September brought some great fun days as well.  We have three birthdays to celebrate.  We also discovered that David's hidden talent is looking like Rick Moranis.  We started school and had an awesome opportunity to visit Kennywood. 

October came super fast.  We had Angel's birthday, a final bonfire at Mom's, fire prevention, and Halloween.  There was snow for trick or treat, but that did not stop my kids.  And there is still too much candy around here!  My computer crashed and so did my washing machine, so Andy's dad had to travel this way to save the day.  We took a trip to Bilger's Rocks.  We also started a wonderful series of co-op classes and made some new home school friends.  We had our family portraits taken.

November was a busy and challenging month for me.  We lost Hope.  We were finishing the dining room.  I was bogged down with school for my self and the kids.  Thanksgiving was very difficult for me, and I struggled for the first time in offering a sacrifice of praise to God.  We still hit the Black Friday sales, and had much success there.  We also started a youth group, beginning with a sleepover. The kids also went to a show with us, Angel doing her first face painting gig. The fireman's banquet was wonderful.  And the Christmas parade was fun, but rainy.



It was a wonderful, terrible year.  We struggled.  We laughed.  We cried.  Most importantly we ended the year together.  And the love we share, the love we have from God, has sustained us.  We have been blessed beyond measure, despite any trials, and we have learn to choose to be thankful and choose to praise God in all things. 

A New Blog Home

I have been debating a move for quite a while.  I have checked out sites, created user names, and shopped around for a new home for In the Blink of an Eye.  I liked my old home well enough, but there is so much more availble in other locations.  I have finally decided to take advantage of a new blog home.  I am slowly going to switch my blog posts over, a few at a time, starting with the most recent.  This will take awhile, but it will also make it easier for readers to find me, leave comments, and share my posts. 
Here is to a new blog home for a new year!

A Prayer for Thanksgiving

The following was shared with me by my father in law. It is a Thanksgiving prayer from Michael Holt in 1997. And it is fitting for today, for me.

Thank you, God. For the joy, privilege and even the painful responsibility for giving thanks. Some days it is so natural that it seems supernatural; a beautiful sunrise, a beautiful flower, a hug from a grandchild, an answer to a quick prayer or and unexpected provision. Sometimes giving thanks is no problem at all! I feel kissed by God!

But, then there are those other times, those dark times in my life that some days seem to overwhelm me with impenetrable sadness. On those days, Lord, there is no joy in thanksgiving; the privilege in conversing with you, My Heavenly Father, is reduced to a feeble “Help, Lord.”

And yet Lord, your Word says “In everything give thanks, for this is God’s will in Christ Jesus for you.” And it says, “Rejoice” and “Pray constantly.” And I want to, but I can’t. I’m too empty, too needy, too weak, too sad!

And now, it’s “Thanksgiving!” But the encouragement of Your Word, Father, goes deeper than the Pilgrims’ tradition and bears more weight than the government’s mandate to give thanks on some special day in November. Change me Lord into a river of Thanksgiving! And even when it seems the river has run dry, raise up fresh springs so that I cannot help but thank you! Not fake, orchestrated or contrived. Not just an emotional experience, but my mind and my will joining together even when my emotions are not very interested or cooperative.

I choose, like Paul, to glory in weakness. I choose to thank you Lord, not just for blessings and all the wonderful things of life. I choose, Lord, even when Your light seems dim, to lift my weak and trembling heart to say “Thank You Lord!” When I cannot sense your presence, I will thank you. When your Spirit seems far from me, I will thank you. When the sadness chokes me into silence, with my mind I will thank you. And even if I lose my mind, let my last consciousness be of You, O Father, and may whatever be left of me give you praise and thanks forever. When I can’t understand why You allow pain and struggles that seem unbearable, I will thank You Lord! Even if it should seem dark forever, I will thank You, Lord. Because You command me; because You are worthy; because I love you - because I know my life is safe, hidden with Christ in You!

Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!

Thanksgiving

This year I am having a hard time realizing that tomorrow is Thanksgiving. It snuck up on me. I am very thankful for the blessings God has given me, my wonderful husband, my children, my home, my extended family. The fact that I live in a place where I am free to worship my God, to homeschool my children, to live in freedom.

And yet, I am also having a hard time this Thanksgiving. I am still too focused on the loss of our sweet Hope. Despite the brief time I had knowing that she was there, growing under my heart, in my heart, or perhaps because the time was too short, I find myself in despair often. Daily. Sometimes hourly. She never had the chance to meet the family who loves her so, her father who named her, her mother who prayed for her, her sisters and brothers who mourn her loss. We never had the chance to meet her, to hold her, to let her hear our voices. And yet, she is a part of me, of us.

At first I could do no more than lay on my couch and think about my loss. Those first days I had to force myself to shower, to dress, to eat, to sleep. Never mind cooking, cleaning, laundry, school. I have now been able to force myself to do more, but my heart is not in it yet. I will be laughing with my children, and know I will not have the chance to laugh with Hope. And I cry. I look at our family portrait, taken while I was pregnant, and I see an empty space. And I cry. I sing a song in church about the hope God has given us. And I cry. I lay my head on my pillow at night and my heart is heavy. So heavy. And I cry.

And I know that I have been given so much. That others have lost more. Are losing more. We need, I need, to choose to try and be thankful in all things. I can be thankful, as Faith put it tonight at dinner, that God gave us a blessing for a short while. We do not know why it was so short. We may never know why. Why is not really important. I am choosing to be thankful that Hope was placed with us, those who love her, even for a brief time, so that she would be loved. And loved deeply.

Hope

This will be the hardest blog I have ever written. Please bear with me.

A few weeks ago, or an eternity ago, I cannot be certain, we found out we were expecting our fifth little blessing. From the moment I saw the little plus sign, I was in love. I began praying, planning, hoping, and dreaming.

And then this dream started. I dreamed that at my first doctor’s appointment I was told my sweet baby had passed away. And then there was a little baby girl, dressed in a pretty white dress. And then I wake up in tears. And the next night, same thing. And the next night.

I went to my doctor’s appointment with excitement, and trying to push my recurring dream from my mind. I sat in the waiting room trying to figure out how many hours I would have to stare at the same posters on the wall. And waiting for the test that would confirm that I was pregnant, give me a due date, and schedule my next appointment. I had taken enough home tests to know for sure, had already figured out that they would tell me June 28, 2012. I also figured that I would be having a baby in July because my babies are always late.

Instead, I was told that we lost our baby, our sweet little baby. From the moment I had seen those positive tests, that was my child. I no longer considered that I had four children, it was now five children. I was rearranging furniture, planning our summer around the new arrival, and figuring the seating arrangement in the van. This was not possible. I could not imagine that my dream, my nightmare had come true. I insisted on a blood test.

I called the whole way home about the results. As I was opening the door, the call came. Miscarriage. I argued with the nurse. Then a midwife. Then a doctor. And hung up mad that they would lie to me. Four tests, and two days later the truth sunk in.

My baby, my sweet child, would be one I never get to hold this side of heaven. Never even have an ultrasound picture, let alone a picture. No baby items, no memories, just a few weeks of hope. And a dream of a little baby girl in a white dress. And so, my husband decided that our baby should have a name. He choose Hope. Hope Elaine.

Because we had told everyone about our blessing, we now had to tell our children. And they would feel the loss hard as they had already been planning with me, excited to share their rooms, sitting by the baby in the van, and changing diapers. They all wanted to change a diaper.

We sat them down, empty handed, heavy hearted, and shared the news. And we cried. And we mourned. And we talked. And cried some more. And we all grieved that there was not going to be memories. Each of my children has a memory box full of the things they loved the most at different ages. And a journal that I write letters to my children on special days. They wanted to make Hope a memory box. And so we have a beautiful box with a rose print. And full of what my other children all thought Hope would like. There are letters and drawings. A Precious Moments boy that says a prayer form David. A Spiderman watch from Isaac. His favorite. A favorite stuffed unicorn from Faith. The Bible that Angel was given when she was born. A journal that Angel made. Two roses,one from each big sister to their little sister. A ring with footprints from my jewelry box. A tiny baby. They want to buy a little sister necklace for Hope for Christmas. And they are planning on releasing balloons for Hope on the day she was due~ June 28th.

We took our little box to my mothers. Each child had a memento to show off, a letter, a drawing. They built their own memories of a baby that they will never meet here on earth, but know they will see in heaven. And we cried. And prayed. And talked. And even laughed. Most importantly, we loved. We loved each other, and our sweet Hope.

For you see, every life, no matter how short, has a purpose. Is loved by God. Every one of my children is loved and cherished. From the moment they exist. By God. By me. And each will have a place in my heart forever.

“Praise You In This Storm”

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth