I do not mean to alarm anyone, but I have come to believe that the world is going to end soon. I know, I know, people have been saying this for centuries.
There is all this news about the Mayan calendar. I have always assumed that the whole Mayan calendar things was no big deal. I mean,come on! I think that there was some poor Mayan student in middle school who got into trouble and in Mayan detention had to write out the calendar until he served his time. This is the record that remained because he carved it on the stone chalkboard, the one that did not deteriorate over time. I know from personal experience that these kinds of experiences can change your life. Perhaps all that writing made him interested in developing an accurate calendar to figure out the date his grounding would end, which is coming up next year, lucky fella. I will not be out from under all the grounding heaped upon me in middle school until about the fall of 3049. I also think that middle school detention is why I have such a large vocabulary. I had to copy from the dictionary. Quite a bit. I made it almost through the letter C before I wised up.
There is always someone, some where, who claims to know that exact location, day and time of Jesus’ return. All I can say to that is I am impressed. Not only did Jesus himself say He did not know the hour of His return, but I hope those people who gather at the spot have a much more accurate GPS than I used on my way home from the Science Center. The arrival time said 45 minutes for about an hour. If they do not have it right they could miss the whole thing and have to wait for the next guy that knows these incredible details to come along, and who knows how long that will be.
Neither of these are the reasons that I believe the world is coming to an end soon. You see, it all started a while ago when Andy realized that he really does like science fiction. I assumed at first that it was due to prolonged exposure. Then last night something incredible happened. I still am amazed. I went to put on my jammies to get comfy for watching sci-fi shows with Andy when I found my favorite jammies had a hole in them. And I can not believe what happened next. I decided to sew them. I know! I will say it again, please read it slowly: I decided to s-e-w t-h-e-m.
You see, under these circumstances I usually do one of three things. One, I notice the hole and wear them anyway. Come on, they are jammies. Who cares, right? Two, I put them back. Three, I say I am going to sew them and put them in a bag. Six months later I throw them out. I have to admit I had completed steps one and two at least three times with these jammies. And they are my favorites, so I was not quite ready to move on to step three. So to add to the miraculous event, I actually found a needle and thread. In my house. (Did I make you a believer yet??) Then, after Andy laughed at my feeble attempts to use that threading thingie incorrectly for about ten minutes he showed me how to thread the needle. And then I went to work as we watched our show. I actually finished after only messing up 978 times, poking about 123,598 holes in my fingers and two episodes of Stargate. Good thing it was a small hole.
As if all this was not enough proof that the world is coming to an end, or at least the world as we know it is coming to an end, I have even more proof. Tonight after supper I washed the dishes. But wait, there is more! I found it relaxing.
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